Kirkles

A page from the Worship Leader’s Handbook

As a military brat, if been a part of a lot of churches. While their theology, preaching styles, standard’s of dress, and population make up vary substantially, one thing is true of every church I’ve ever gone to: the worship leaders are all exactly the same. I have long suspected that all worship leaders posess a single document that informs their style, but, until today, I was never able to find it. However, I stumbled accross a portion of a manuscript, giving specific details on how worship leaders should conduct themselves. For your consideration: The Worship Leader’s Handbook First and foremost, let’s talk about you: •It goes without saying that you are a male that is somewhere between 25 and 30 years old. You need to appear mature, but still young and hip. •Your style of dress should be a year or two dated. This way people will see you as being stylish, but not too concerned with it. Next, let’s talk about you as a musician: •You need to be a tenor. I’m not sure why, but all of your compatriots are, so you should be too. •You need to be able to play guitar and piano. o The acoustic guitar is, without question, God’s favorite musical instrument, and he desires all of his worship leaders to play it. Your guitar won’t be mic’d, so don’t need to be any good, just be able to bust out some basic chords and look competent. You’re going to have a talented guitarist somewhere else in your band. o Generally, the same goes for piano as for guitar. You should probably have some measure of skill in this instrument as the first few rows can here it whether its mic’d or not. Your musical style: •Obviously, you like praise music. This means that most of your songs should have been written within the last 10 years. •Remember, people get bored with multi-verse hymns. Cut out a few of those verses. However, people do not get bored repeating the same phrase 27 times during a modern worship song. •If you find yourself forced to sing hymns due to your congregation’s preference, add a modern chorus between the verses. Don’t mind if the lyrical style doesn’t fit at all with original text. Also, you can update hymns by changing older words and archaic phraseology, regardless of its beauty. •Jesus loves it when you sing a middle verse acapella. Your band: •You need as many guitarists as possible. Period. This is the fundamental rule of constructing your praise band. •You need a few background singers. These should generally be female. Don’t worry about them stealing your thunder, though. Generally, their mics will be turned off; that is, unless you have them opening a song with a solo. •Find an ethic guy. It just helps. Now, your demeanor as worship leader: •When you talk, it should be breathy. This makes you sound detached and ethereal, like you’re not wholly present •Your eyes should remain closed 85% of your time before the congregation, for the same reason mentioned above. •You should always be encouraging people to do things that they’re uncomfortable with. For example: asking Baptists to dance in the aisles.